Aspen Ideas: Healthspan for the 0.01%
On the mountaintop, they’re solving ‘youth mental health’ with branded mindfulness apps and $40 kale juice, while the kids at sea level self-medicate with doomscrolling and debt.
Panel sign: “ASPEN IDEAS: YOUTH MENTAL HEALTH & LONGEVITY” — in the audience, a teenager on a giant cracked smartphone screen holds up a speech bubble that just says: “THERAPY?”
Source headline
Mount Sinai to Lead Aspen Discussions on Youth Mental Health, and Healthspan Science and Practice
Around the Shallot
Stay in the same broken universe.
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.
Tech
DOGE Unveils ‘War UX 2.0’: U.S.–Iran Conflict To Be Managed Like A Buggy App Update
Department of Government Efficiency reassures public that if the ceasefire can’t be fixed, it can at least be A/B tested, monetized, and pushed to the cloud.
Jul 13
Forecast
By Mid‑August 2026, Iran Will Reopen Hormuz Oil Traffic
Iran says the Strait of Hormuz is shut until the U.S. leaves the neighborhood. Tanker traffic and mediators say something more boring: this is a price‑setting tantrum that ends in a technical deal, not a 90‑day blockade.
Jul 12
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