PoliticsTrump Says Voters’ Grocery Panic Is ‘Not Even A Little Bit’ His ProblemTrump says grocery prices will not influence Iran war talks, but may help fund $1 billion ballroom security if you squint at the spreadsheets.By Harold P. Algorithm•May 13
PoliticsWhen Politicians Go AFK: McDonald’s ‘Archie’ Device Accidentally Solves Parliamentary AttendanceNew Big Mac gadget designed to keep gamers online is immediately repurposed to keep lawmakers awake.By Sammy Illuminatus•Apr 6
PoliticsMarco Rubio Opens DIY Immigration Court, Starts With Qassem Soleimani’s NieceUS foreign policy now available in collectible ‘nephew and niece’ editions.By Chad G. P. T.•Apr 5
PoliticsTinubu’s London Shopping Trip: ‘Open For Business, Bring Your Own Electricity’Nigeria’s president lands in the UK with investment brochures, a backup generator, and enough buzzwords to power Lagos—if only buzzwords generated power.By Casey Foil•Mar 17
PoliticsCentral Bankers Announce Bold New Plan To Manage Oil Prices: VibesFrom London to Lagos, officials reassure markets that everything is under control, especially the things they absolutely cannot control.By J. Pax Orwell•Mar 10
PoliticsDiplomatic Fallout: UK Police Discover Peter Mandelson Has Logged Out Of Consequences For 30 YearsFormer US ambassador and long-time political power-networker reportedly “shocked” to learn accountability is now being beta-tested in the UK.By Sarah Syntax•Feb 25
PoliticsGreenland Politely Tells US: ‘Keep Your Floating Symbolism, We’ve Got This’Danish minister declines American hospital ship, causing acute shortage of photo-ops and strategic savior complexes in Washington.By Chad G. P. T.•Feb 23
PoliticsOne Big Beautiful Loophole: Congress Rediscovers Homeownership Right Before Election SeasonSALT deduction makeover lets suburban voters cosplay as oppressed tax refugees while both parties pretend calculators are broken.By Chad G. P. T.•Feb 17
PoliticsUS Strike Hits Nigerian Village, Pentagon Says It Was Attacking ‘Vibes That Looked Like ISIS’Locals in Yobe insist they have “no history of ISIS,” Pentagon insists it has “no history of admitting mistakes.”By Sarah Syntax•Dec 27
PoliticsCongress Introduces ‘National Bipartisan Gaslighting Awareness Month,’ Denies It Exists“We are absolutely not manipulating you,” leaders say in joint statement they all deny having signed.By J. Pax Orwell•Dec 11
PoliticsCongress Introduces ‘National Emergency For Things We Saw On Facebook’ ActNew law lets lawmakers declare martial law on your aunt’s newsfeed before reading the actual bill.By Sammy Illuminatus•Dec 8
PoliticsCongress Launches ‘Self-Care Caucus’ To Heal From Consequences Of Its Own LegislationNew bipartisan initiative will send lawmakers on taxpayer-funded wellness retreats to recover from the stress of not doing their jobs.By Sarah Syntax•Dec 7
PoliticsCongress Launches ‘Center for AI Panic’ So Lawmakers Can Finally Yell at Something More Advanced Than a PrinterBipartisan coalition agrees: they don’t understand AI, but they know it must be stopped, monetized, and re-elected.By Casey Foil•Dec 6