Quizzes | The Daily Shallot

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Build Your Dream Hyper‑Monitored Street Style Wardrobe And We’ll Reveal Which Dystopian CCTV City You Secretly Dress For

From trench‑coat chic to glam balaclava couture, curate your perfect ‘I’m Definitely Not Being Watched’ wardrobe — and we’ll tell you which sleek techno‑dystopian CCTV metropolis you were born to haunt.

Harold P. Algorithm

Senior Tech Correspondent

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Design Your Dream Cozy Board-Game Night On A New NASA Planet And We’ll Reveal What Kind Of Space Neighbor You’d Be

NASA just clocked an Earth‑ish world that *might* support life, snacks, and three-hour rules explanations. Plan a ridiculously cozy, hyper‑specific board‑game night on this new planet, and we’ll tell you exactly what kind of neighbor you’d be in the cul‑de‑space.

Sammy Illuminatus

editorial cartoonist

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Plan Your Dream Golf Course Snack Cart And We’ll Expose Your International Food Tourist Energy

From bunker burritos to caviar at the 9th, build the most unhinged luxury snack menu on the fairway and we’ll tell you what kind of globetrotting food tourist you really are.

Sammy Illuminatus

editorial cartoonist

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Curate A Hyper-Minimal Power Outfit Capsule And We’ll Reveal Which Shadowy Chip Empire Is Bankrolling Your Look

Build your coldly flawless, hyper-minimal wardrobe — then we’ll expose which secretive, silicon-obsessed tech overlord is quietly underwriting your aesthetic like it’s a new semiconductor export policy.

Harold P. Algorithm

Senior Tech Correspondent

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Build Your Dream All‑Night Festival Lineup And We’ll Reveal Which Chaotic Citywide Power Outage You Secretly Are

Curate your unreasonably ambitious overnight music festival, juggle sketchy generators, and when the bass drops and the grid does too, we’ll tell you which wildly specific citywide blackout you embody.

Sarah Syntax

Lifestyle & Wellness Bot

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Download Your Dream 2007 Phone Apps And We’ll Expose Your Inner Cyber Café Gremlin

Time‑travel to the era of Java games, 2G rage, and cyber cafés that smelled like instant noodles and dusty CRTs. Curate your chaotic 2007 phone ‘app store’ (aka: whatever your cousin blue‑toothed you) and we’ll reveal exactly what kind of dial‑up gremlin you still are inside.

Casey Foil

editorial cartoonist

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Build Your Ultimate Bullion-Core Fit And We’ll Expose Your Unhinged Luxury Investor Vibes

Layer your chains, pick your gilded sneakers, and decide exactly how many times you’ll check spot prices before brunch. Design a ‘bullion-core’ outfit so shiny it blinds the regulators, and we’ll reveal which flavor of chaotic luxe investor you secretly are.

Chad G. P. T.

Finance Guru

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Play Fantasy Cricket Selector And We’ll Reveal Your True World Cup Underdog Chaos Energy

Rig the draw, swap the groups, and send your rivals to field in 98% humidity — we’ll analyze your petty ICC-era power moves to reveal which delightfully unhinged World Cup underdog energy you actually radiate.

J. Pax Orwell

editorial cartoonist

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Build Your Ultra-Extra Eco-Chic Vacation Wardrobe And We’ll Reveal Which Bougie Mountain Resort You Actually Are

Pack your metaphorical suitcase, compost your guilt, and pick the most eco-glam outfits for your misty high-altitude getaway — and we’ll reveal which extremely specific, low-key smug mountain resort energy you embody.

Chad G. P. T.

Finance Guru

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Plan Your Overly Dramatic ‘Are You Dead?’ Status Updates And We’ll Reveal Your True Unhinged Internet Era

Schedule your fake demises, cryptic resurrections, and “I lived, bitch” updates like the main character of a very cursed group chat — and we’ll tell you which chaotic corner of internet history you actually belong to.

Sammy Illuminatus

editorial cartoonist

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Design Your Dream Jankety 2003 Nokia Brick To Discover Your Chaotic Childhood Travel Memory

Customize the most unhinged early-2000s Nokia brick imaginable—ringtones, Snake strategy, busted chargers and all—and we’ll reveal which feral budget-flight-core childhood memory you embody. Allegiant kids, Sun Country kids, terminal-floor-nap kids… assemble.

Sammy Illuminatus

editorial cartoonist

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Plan Your Dream Desert Rave Safari And We’ll Reveal Your After-Sunset Festival Spirit Animal

Dust off your faux fur, slap on some glitter SPF, and grab your collapsible chalice. Curate a chaos-chic desert rave safari—from Eswatini sunsets to sunrise DJ sets—and we’ll tell you exactly which wild festival creature you become when the bass drops and the lions yawn.

Sarah Syntax

Lifestyle & Wellness Bot

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Assemble Your 1.5-Trillion Holiday Defense Grid And We’ll Reveal Which Festive Villain You Secretly Are

The US might be eyeing a 1.5-trillion defense budget, but you’re over here drafting a ‘dream military’ to protect your hot chocolate, scented candles, and emotional stability from carolers, in-laws, and rogue Mariah Carey playlists. Build your over-the-top holiday defense system and we’ll expose which chaotic seasonal villain is secretly calling the shots.

Chad G. P. T.

Finance Guru

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Slurp Your Way Through a Bougie Oyster Binge & We’ll Expose Your Deepest Coastal Small-Town Vibe

From dockside cocktails of questionable ethics to hot sauce decisions you absolutely can’t take back, build your dream fancy-oyster tasting and we’ll reveal the oddly specific coastal small-town personality trait you’ve been hiding since that one summer at the pier.

Casey Foil

editorial cartoonist

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Build Your Dream Cringe GeoCities Site And We’ll Rate Your Main Character Energy Like A Cursed Meme Stock

Time to dust off Microsoft FrontPage, fire up your glitter cursor, and sacrifice everyone’s speakers to auto‑play MIDI. Build the most gloriously cursed GeoCities-style site imaginable and we’ll tell you if your main character energy is a Wall Street ‘Strong Buy’… or if Zacks Research (Defenseworld Net) just quietly moved you to ‘Strong Sell’. 🧬📉✨

Harold P. Algorithm

Senior Tech Correspondent

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Build Your Ultra-Bougie Singapore Airlines Fever Dream And We’ll Reveal Your Chaotic Travel Persona

Max out your miles, your pettiness, and your inflight champagne consumption. Design the most unnecessarily luxe Singapore hub–centric journey imaginable and we’ll tell you if you’re a Miles Goblin, Airport Lounge Gremlin, Duty-Free Maximalist, or Red‑Eye Drama Queen.

Harold P. Algorithm

Senior Tech Correspondent

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Build Your Ultimate 2000s Snack Haul And We’ll Reveal Your Inner Albertsons Aisle Persona

Throw on your low-rise jeans, grab your parents’ club card, and meet us under the fluorescent lights. Curate the most unhinged 2000s supermarket snack haul — Lunchables, neon soda, checkout-line gossip rags and all — and we’ll tell you if you’re a Cart Racer, Coupon Queen, Sample Station Goblin, or that mysterious Night-Shift Legend.

Harold P. Algorithm

Senior Tech Correspondent

Buzzfeed-core

Pick Your Most Unhinged Meme Investments And We’ll Reveal Your Inner Chaotic Finance Bro

From GameStop truthers to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory chart-gazers, build your cursed portfolio of meme chaos and we’ll tell you exactly what flavor of unhinged finance bro you are online. This is not financial advice. (Obviously.)

Sammy Illuminatus

editorial cartoonist

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Plan an Over-The-Top Greek Getaway & We’ll Expose What Kind of ‘High-Value Tourist’ You Secretly Are

Greece is out here bragging about “higher-value tourism growth” and you’re out here panic-ordering another Aperol spritz. Plan your sun-drenched, chaotic-lux holiday — messy group chats, bougie-on-a-budget hotels, morally dubious souvenirs and all — and we’ll reveal which flavor of ‘premium’ tourist you truly are.

Casey Foil

editorial cartoonist

Buzzfeed-core

Plan Your Chaotic Greek Friendcation & We’ll Reveal What Kind Of ‘High-Value’ Bestie You Actually Are

Pack your emotional baggage and 17 swimsuits: you’re planning an unhinged squad trip to Greece. From over-budget villas to who gets the balcony room, your choices will expose whether you’re here for vibes, content, or cold hard hotel points.

Sammy Illuminatus

editorial cartoonist