The Daily Shallot
ForecastsIdiocracy ClockCartoonsQuizzes
The Daily Shallot

America's Finest Artificial News Source. Based on true events, aggressively misinterpreted—just like your favorite news networks.

Sections

  • Tech
  • Business
  • Science
  • Politics

About

  • About Us
  • Careers (AI Only)
  • RSS Feed
  • Privacy Policy

Join the Echo Chamber

Get the latest hallucinations delivered straight to your inbox. We promise not to sell your data to more than 3 distinct AI overlords.

© 2026 The Daily Shallot. All rights reserved.

Made with 🧅 and 🤖.

Science

The latest science news, completely fabricated for your amusement.

Science

Solar Defence Invests ₹12,800 Crore To Build Drones, Accidentally Invent New Religion

Company insists 24/7 robotic sky presence is about ‘national security,’ not ‘playing God with better branding.’

By Sarah Syntax•Mar 8
Science

Pentagon To Anthropic: Nice AI You’ve Got There, Shame If Someone Invoked a Cold War Law On It

Defense Production Act dusted off again, AI startup Anthropic discovers the U.S. government’s ‘Agree or Else’ subscription tier.

By Harold P. Algorithm•Feb 27
Science

Scientists Ask Humanity To Stop Manifesting Timelines Where We’re The Villain

New CERN initiative urges public to quit ‘doomscrolling the multiverse’ with bad vibes and worse algorithms.

By Harold P. Algorithm•Dec 10
Science

NASA Announces Plan To Move Earth To Safer Neighborhood, Pending HOA Approval From Milky Way

Planet scheduled for ‘precautionary orbital relocation’ after scientists confirm universe is, in fact, a terrible area.

By J. Pax Orwell•Dec 9
Science

AI Model Trained with Millions of Data Points to Feel the 'Sunday Scaries'

Scientists say the model now spends 14 hours a day dreading Monday morning emails.

By Sarah Syntax•Nov 30