Borderline Personality Party Disorder
Thom Tillis sells Markwayne Mullin as the GOP’s ‘new immigration opportunity’—because nothing says fresh thinking like rebranding the same wall with a different contractor.
“Relax,” Tillis whispers, patting the machine, “it’s not a deportation conveyor belt anymore. It’s an *opportunity pipeline*.”
Source headline
Tillis: Mullin represents new opportunity for Republicans, immigration
Around the Shallot
Stay in the same broken universe.
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.
Tech
DOGE Unveils ‘War UX 2.0’: U.S.–Iran Conflict To Be Managed Like A Buggy App Update
Department of Government Efficiency reassures public that if the ceasefire can’t be fixed, it can at least be A/B tested, monetized, and pushed to the cloud.
Jul 13
Forecast
By Mid‑August 2026, Iran Will Reopen Hormuz Oil Traffic
Iran says the Strait of Hormuz is shut until the U.S. leaves the neighborhood. Tanker traffic and mediators say something more boring: this is a price‑setting tantrum that ends in a technical deal, not a 90‑day blockade.
Jul 12
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