Dial M for Market Share
When 911 drops the call but the algorithm never does.
Panel of bystanders frantically mashing dead 911 phones under a glowing billboard blaring: “SERVICE OUTAGE: PLEASE CONSULT YOUR TERMS & CONDITIONS,” while a calm tech-bro exec livestreams himself pitching “911 Premium+” to sheriffs under a Venture Capital tent.
Source headline
911 goes down across L.A. County Sheriff's Department areas overnight
Around the Shallot
Stay in the same broken universe.
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.
Tech
EU Moves To Ban Ordinary People From Knowing What Hedge Funds Already Bet On
Prediction markets face crackdown just as Wall Street, bookies, and AI models quietly adopt them as a premium feature.
May 27
Forecast
U.S. and Iran Won’t Hit Gulf Energy or Nuclear Sites Soon
Washington and Tehran are trading blows in public while haggling in private. The loud part is moving toward Iran’s shores and shipping lanes. The quiet part is every regional capital begging them not to touch the real money: Gulf energy exports and Iran’s nuclear sites.
May 27
Quiz
Build Your Dream After‑School STEM Club And We’ll Reveal Your Underrated Video Game Protagonist Energy
Grab a lab coat, a half‑charged Chromebook, and a suspiciously sticky box of LEGO. Design the chaotic‑wholesome after‑school STEM club of your dreams, and we’ll tell you which criminally underrated video game hero you’re secretly main‑charactering as.
May 27
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