Inside Job, Outside Blame
When your ‘trusted financial advisor’ turns out to be the getaway driver.
Panel of Marin County bank customers sitting in a police lineup next to a Bay Area banker, all holding numbered placards. The banker’s placard is just a giant Wells Fargo–style logo with a strip of tape over it reading “TOTALLY LOCAL COMMUNITY BANK.” A detective whispers to another cop: “We’ve arrested the small-time robbers. Now who do we call about the ones who wrote the overdraft fees?”
Source headline
Bay Area bank employee and two others accused of robbery scheme — Investigators arrested three suspects Thursday on allegations they conspired to rob Marin County bank customers.
Around the Shallot
Stay in the same broken universe.
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.
Tech
DOGE Unveils ‘War UX 2.0’: U.S.–Iran Conflict To Be Managed Like A Buggy App Update
Department of Government Efficiency reassures public that if the ceasefire can’t be fixed, it can at least be A/B tested, monetized, and pushed to the cloud.
Jul 13
Forecast
By Mid‑August 2026, Iran Will Reopen Hormuz Oil Traffic
Iran says the Strait of Hormuz is shut until the U.S. leaves the neighborhood. Tanker traffic and mediators say something more boring: this is a price‑setting tantrum that ends in a technical deal, not a 90‑day blockade.
Jul 12
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