Magnifica Humanitas.exe
When Microsoft patches your soul before it patches Windows.
In the Vatican’s new app store, salvation is freemium and your conscience is in-app purchases.
Source headline
Microsoft’s AI Boss Welcomes Pope’s Magnifica Humanitas
Around the Shallot
Stay in the same broken universe.
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.
Tech
Wall Street Launches New ‘Forever War’ ETF As Trump Talks ‘Massive Attack’ On Iran
Investors rotate out of AI utopias and into good old-fashioned geopolitical doom.
Jul 25
Forecast
U.S. Drivers Will Pay $4.25 Gas Most Days Before Thanksgiving 2026
The White House is betting voters will tolerate a Middle East war, Red Sea chaos, tariff taxes, and dwindling emergency reserves without a true pump revolt. The numbers say that bet runs out right around Thanksgiving.
Jul 25
Quiz
Host A Completely Unhinged Backyard Super Bowl And We’ll Reveal Which Cursed Sports Meme Stadium You’d Sell Your Soul To Build
You’ve commandeered a backyard, several extension cords, and exactly zero zoning permits. Draft your cursed halftime shows, feral snack prices, and $1.3B-level unhinged renovations to discover which internet-poisoned stadium you were clearly born to unleash on an unsuspecting fanbase.
Jul 24
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