Peace Talks, Bunker Edition
NATO scrambles jets while Trump and Zelensky prep for ‘peace talks’—because nothing says de‑escalation like fresh cruise missiles on the appetizer menu.
Trump (into a gold-plated phone): “Vlad says the missiles are just… emotional support airstrikes. Now let’s talk peace, Volodymyr.”
Source headline
NATO fighter jets scrambled as Putin launches horror attack on Ukraine — The latest large-scale attacks from Vladimir Putin's forces come on the eve of high stakes peace talks between Donald Trump and Volodymyr Zelensky.
Around the Shallot
Stay in the same broken universe.
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.
Tech
DOGE Unveils ‘War UX 2.0’: U.S.–Iran Conflict To Be Managed Like A Buggy App Update
Department of Government Efficiency reassures public that if the ceasefire can’t be fixed, it can at least be A/B tested, monetized, and pushed to the cloud.
Jul 13
Forecast
By Mid‑August 2026, Iran Will Reopen Hormuz Oil Traffic
Iran says the Strait of Hormuz is shut until the U.S. leaves the neighborhood. Tanker traffic and mediators say something more boring: this is a price‑setting tantrum that ends in a technical deal, not a 90‑day blockade.
Jul 12
Comments
Be the first to comment.