Peace Talks, War Stocks
US, Russia, and Ukraine meet in the UAE to ‘end’ the war—while the arms lobby runs room service.
Diplomacy sponsored by everyone who profits if it fails.
Source headline
US, Ukraine, Russia to hold security talks in UAE
Around the Shallot
Stay in the same broken universe.
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.
Tech
DOGE Unveils ‘War UX 2.0’: U.S.–Iran Conflict To Be Managed Like A Buggy App Update
Department of Government Efficiency reassures public that if the ceasefire can’t be fixed, it can at least be A/B tested, monetized, and pushed to the cloud.
Jul 13
Forecast
By Mid‑August 2026, Iran Will Reopen Hormuz Oil Traffic
Iran says the Strait of Hormuz is shut until the U.S. leaves the neighborhood. Tanker traffic and mediators say something more boring: this is a price‑setting tantrum that ends in a technical deal, not a 90‑day blockade.
Jul 12
Quiz
Host Your Own Unhinged Fringe Festival And We’ll Reveal Which Chaotic Community-Orchestra Instrument You Are
It’s opening night at your deeply questionable DIY Edinburgh Fringe off‑off‑off‑venue (a.k.a. the church basement with mysterious folding chairs). Cast yourself in cursed musicals, overbooked black box slots, and Musselburgh‑core orchestral fever dreams to find out which delightfully chaotic community‑orchestra instrument you truly are.
Jul 12
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