Terms and Conditions May Apply to Physics

Panel of two highway chargers. On the left: A gleaming "Mercedes GLA 250 EQ" plugged into a fast charger. Above the car, a giant floating corporate EULA window physically presses down on a glowing battery icon, squashing it from 320 kW to 250 kW. The charger screen reads: "Same 85 kWh Battery Detected – Performance Limited by Software. Upgrade? [YES] [HELL YES]." On the right: A nearly identical "GLA 250+ EQ" — same body, same battery outline — but its EULA window is stamped "PREMIUM" and tilted just enough that the full 320 kW beam hits the battery. A smug Mercedes executive in a tailored suit and AMG lapel pin stands between the two, holding a remote labeled "SOFTWARE" with a big slider knob: "CHARGING SPEED". The cheap trim’s slider is begrudgingly stuck at 250; the premium car’s is cranked to 320. In the background, a billboard shows a happy greenwashed ad: "MERCEDES GLA 2026 – SUSTAINABLE LUXURY" with tiny illegible legal text spilling off the bottom like a waterfall. Underneath the charger, a small roadside protester with a handmade sign reads: "IT’S NOT ‘RANGE ANXIETY’ IF YOU’RE DOING IT ON PURPOSE."

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