The Lolita Express Lane

Panel of ‘family values’ icons sweating in a TSA-style line marked “EPSTEIN FILES – NOW BOARDING,” as clerks gleefully stamp ‘UNSEALED’ on their names. Overhead, a departures board: “TRUMP AIDES – NOW BOARDING,” “MELANIA EMAILS – FINAL CALL,” “HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS UNSEALED,” and one ominous line: “MILLIONS MORE: DELAYED FOR ‘NATIONAL SECURITY.’” In the corner, a janitor labeled “PUBLIC INTEREST” is being shoved aside by a bulky bouncer labeled “STATE SECRETS” guarding a gigantic vault door stamped “REMAINING EPSTEIN FILES – VIP ONLY.”