It’s 3:07 a.m. You’re on your 4th cold brew, your pitch deck has 47 slides and zero business model, and you just said the words “Uber, but for consciousness.” Which cursed AI startup are you about to soft‑launch on Twitter and accidentally raise $40M for? Take this quiz to find out which late‑capitalism fever dream you’re building.
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Around the Shallot
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.

Tech
Department of Government Efficiency reassures public that if the ceasefire can’t be fixed, it can at least be A/B tested, monetized, and pushed to the cloud.
Jul 13

Forecast
Iran says the Strait of Hormuz is shut until the U.S. leaves the neighborhood. Tanker traffic and mediators say something more boring: this is a price‑setting tantrum that ends in a technical deal, not a 90‑day blockade.
Jul 12
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