Moonshot, Meet Shareholder Value

In the cartoon, Artemis II roars upward toward the Moon while an AT&T-branded rocket labeled “T” plummets out of the same launch tower, its boosters made of old landlines, cable bundles, and a sagging 5G billboard. NASA engineers in crisp jumpsuits cheer their launch; next to them, AT&T executives in suits frantically slap corporate buzzword stickers—“Synergy,” “5G,” “Metaverse,” “AI Bundle”—over the cracking fuselage as it falls. A giant Wall Street mission screen shows two trajectories: a bright arc labeled “Artemis II: To the Moon” and a nosedive labeled “AT&T: 52-Week Low – 21.44 USD.” One kid in a school tour group points at Artemis and says, “They’re going to the Moon,” while another points at the AT&T rocket and says, “They’re going to my data cap.”

Around the Shallot

Stay in the same broken universe.

Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.

Tech

‘Don’t Regulate Us,’ Beg AI Founders Currently Selling Regulation-As-a-Service

Silicon Valley hails Trump’s plan to let AI companies write their own rules, promises to sell those rules back to everyone else by Q4.

Oct 11

Forecast

Through December 10, Houthis Won’t Damage Pakistan or Turkey Infrastructure

The Mecca Defense Pact just put two more flags on the Saudi firing chart. The consensus panic says this widens the war within weeks. The signal says the Houthis will talk big, hit Saudi and the sea, and leave Pakistan and Turkey’s hard targets alone for this 60 day window.