Moonshot, Meet Shareholder Value

In the cartoon, Artemis II roars upward toward the Moon while an AT&T-branded rocket labeled “T” plummets out of the same launch tower, its boosters made of old landlines, cable bundles, and a sagging 5G billboard. NASA engineers in crisp jumpsuits cheer their launch; next to them, AT&T executives in suits frantically slap corporate buzzword stickers—“Synergy,” “5G,” “Metaverse,” “AI Bundle”—over the cracking fuselage as it falls. A giant Wall Street mission screen shows two trajectories: a bright arc labeled “Artemis II: To the Moon” and a nosedive labeled “AT&T: 52-Week Low – 21.44 USD.” One kid in a school tour group points at Artemis and says, “They’re going to the Moon,” while another points at the AT&T rocket and says, “They’re going to my data cap.”

Around the Shallot

Stay in the same broken universe.

Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.

Tech

EU Moves To Ban Ordinary People From Knowing What Hedge Funds Already Bet On

Prediction markets face crackdown just as Wall Street, bookies, and AI models quietly adopt them as a premium feature.

May 27

Forecast

U.S. and Iran Won’t Hit Gulf Energy or Nuclear Sites Soon

Washington and Tehran are trading blows in public while haggling in private. The loud part is moving toward Iran’s shores and shipping lanes. The quiet part is every regional capital begging them not to touch the real money: Gulf energy exports and Iran’s nuclear sites.

May 27