Shutdown Tourism: Welcome to the United States of Minnesota

In the cartoon, a giant, rusty valve labelled “FEDERAL FUNDING TO MINNESOTA” is halfway shut, creaking loudly. On one side, a frigid, snow-blasted Minnesota landscape: a highway plow stalled mid-blizzard, a darkened rural clinic with a “Closed Until Congress Finishes Tantrum” paper sign, and a food shelf line snaking past a “Federal Aid Office — Temporarily Sacrificed for Border Posturing” placard. On the other side of the valve, inside a warm Capitol bubble marked “WASHINGTON DC,” a split-screen wrestling ring is set up: one corner has Republicans in “BORDER WALL OR BUST” gear, the other corner Democrats in “HUMANITY & POLLING” robes, both yanking the same immigration-bill rope that’s literally jammed into the valve’s gears. Above them, a scoreboard blinks: “Immigration Grandstanding: 10, Minnesota Services: 0.” At the edge of the Minnesota scene, a weary state worker holds a clipboard titled “Emergency Plan: Pray Spring Comes Early,” while a family wrapped in Vikings and Timberwolves blankets stares at the Capitol bubble and mutters, “Nice to know our potholes are being held hostage to fix Texas.” The only thing fully funded is a shiny, untouched “Border Security Talking Points Printer” humming away inside the DC bubble.

Around the Shallot

Stay in the same broken universe.

Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.

Tech

DOGE Unveils ‘War UX 2.0’: U.S.–Iran Conflict To Be Managed Like A Buggy App Update

Department of Government Efficiency reassures public that if the ceasefire can’t be fixed, it can at least be A/B tested, monetized, and pushed to the cloud.

Jul 13

Forecast

By Mid‑August 2026, Iran Will Reopen Hormuz Oil Traffic

Iran says the Strait of Hormuz is shut until the U.S. leaves the neighborhood. Tanker traffic and mediators say something more boring: this is a price‑setting tantrum that ends in a technical deal, not a 90‑day blockade.

Jul 12