Shutdown Tourism: Welcome to the United States of Minnesota

In the cartoon, a giant, rusty valve labelled “FEDERAL FUNDING TO MINNESOTA” is halfway shut, creaking loudly. On one side, a frigid, snow-blasted Minnesota landscape: a highway plow stalled mid-blizzard, a darkened rural clinic with a “Closed Until Congress Finishes Tantrum” paper sign, and a food shelf line snaking past a “Federal Aid Office — Temporarily Sacrificed for Border Posturing” placard. On the other side of the valve, inside a warm Capitol bubble marked “WASHINGTON DC,” a split-screen wrestling ring is set up: one corner has Republicans in “BORDER WALL OR BUST” gear, the other corner Democrats in “HUMANITY & POLLING” robes, both yanking the same immigration-bill rope that’s literally jammed into the valve’s gears. Above them, a scoreboard blinks: “Immigration Grandstanding: 10, Minnesota Services: 0.” At the edge of the Minnesota scene, a weary state worker holds a clipboard titled “Emergency Plan: Pray Spring Comes Early,” while a family wrapped in Vikings and Timberwolves blankets stares at the Capitol bubble and mutters, “Nice to know our potholes are being held hostage to fix Texas.” The only thing fully funded is a shiny, untouched “Border Security Talking Points Printer” humming away inside the DC bubble.

Around the Shallot

Stay in the same broken universe.

Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.

Tech

‘Don’t Regulate Us,’ Beg AI Founders Currently Selling Regulation-As-a-Service

Silicon Valley hails Trump’s plan to let AI companies write their own rules, promises to sell those rules back to everyone else by Q4.

Oct 11

Forecast

Through December 10, Houthis Won’t Damage Pakistan or Turkey Infrastructure

The Mecca Defense Pact just put two more flags on the Saudi firing chart. The consensus panic says this widens the war within weeks. The signal says the Houthis will talk big, hit Saudi and the sea, and leave Pakistan and Turkey’s hard targets alone for this 60 day window.