The US might be eyeing a 1.5-trillion defense budget, but you’re over here drafting a ‘dream military’ to protect your hot chocolate, scented candles, and emotional stability from carolers, in-laws, and rogue Mariah Carey playlists. Build your over-the-top holiday defense system and we’ll expose which chaotic seasonal villain is secretly calling the shots.
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Around the Shallot
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.

Tech
Department of Government Efficiency reassures public that if the ceasefire can’t be fixed, it can at least be A/B tested, monetized, and pushed to the cloud.
Jul 13

Forecast
Iran says the Strait of Hormuz is shut until the U.S. leaves the neighborhood. Tanker traffic and mediators say something more boring: this is a price‑setting tantrum that ends in a technical deal, not a 90‑day blockade.
Jul 12
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