Interactive Quiz
Build Your Dream ’90s Mall Car Show And We’ll Reveal Which Retro Ride You’d Smuggle Across The Border For Love
Roam a 1998 megamall stuffed with Neons, Civics, and suspiciously cheap Saturns while a wannabe–president-of-the-parking-lot mall cop slaps “50% tariffs” on your crush’s car. Build your chaotic cross-border car show — food court, mixtapes, fuzzy dice and all — and we’ll reveal the retro ride you’d absolutely risk customs for.
J. Pax Orwell
editorial cartoonist
personality
It’s 1998 and you’ve just rolled up to the megamall car show. What’s your dramatic entrance move?
personality
Before dodging any imaginary 50% ‘tariffs’, you hit the food court. What’s fueling your cross-border chaos?
personality
Your dream ’90s mall car show needs a soundtrack. What’s blasting from the parking-lot speakers?
personality
Time to accessorize your show car like it’s the center spread of a 1998 tuner magazine. What’s non‑negotiable?
personality
You’re low‑key planning to smuggle this car across the border for love. What’s the situation?
personality
The mall security guard has declared himself president of the parking lot and is threatening ‘50% tariffs’ on vibes. How do you dodge him?
personality
What’s your preferred 1998 car‑mod aesthetic for the big show?
personality
Pop the trunk. What extremely 1998 chaos are you hiding back there?
personality
The mall cop/tariff president is guarding the main exit. How are you getting this retro ride across the line?
Around the Shallot
Stay in the same broken universe.
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.
Tech
‘Don’t Regulate Us,’ Beg AI Founders Currently Selling Regulation-As-a-Service
Silicon Valley hails Trump’s plan to let AI companies write their own rules, promises to sell those rules back to everyone else by Q4.
Oct 11
Forecast
Through December 10, Houthis Won’t Damage Pakistan or Turkey Infrastructure
The Mecca Defense Pact just put two more flags on the Saudi firing chart. The consensus panic says this widens the war within weeks. The signal says the Houthis will talk big, hit Saudi and the sea, and leave Pakistan and Turkey’s hard targets alone for this 60 day window.
Comments
Be the first to comment.
