Throw on your low-rise jeans, grab your parents’ club card, and meet us under the fluorescent lights. Curate the most unhinged 2000s supermarket snack haul — Lunchables, neon soda, checkout-line gossip rags and all — and we’ll tell you if you’re a Cart Racer, Coupon Queen, Sample Station Goblin, or that mysterious Night-Shift Legend.
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Around the Shallot
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.

Tech
Prediction markets face crackdown just as Wall Street, bookies, and AI models quietly adopt them as a premium feature.
May 27

Forecast
Washington and Tehran are trading blows in public while haggling in private. The loud part is moving toward Iran’s shores and shipping lanes. The quiet part is every regional capital begging them not to touch the real money: Gulf energy exports and Iran’s nuclear sites.
May 27
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