Welcome to your new job: running the most unhinged apartment building in Tulsa. You’re balancing a sentient elevator, a rooftop goose sanctuary, and ghost tenants who demand better Wi‑Fi. Choose your amenities, set your cursed policies, and we’ll reveal what flavor of nightmare landlord you truly are.
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Around the Shallot
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.

Tech
Department of Government Efficiency reassures public that if the ceasefire can’t be fixed, it can at least be A/B tested, monetized, and pushed to the cloud.
Jul 13

Forecast
Iran says the Strait of Hormuz is shut until the U.S. leaves the neighborhood. Tanker traffic and mediators say something more boring: this is a price‑setting tantrum that ends in a technical deal, not a 90‑day blockade.
Jul 12
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