Interactive Quiz
Play Career Day Like It’s 2006 And We’ll Reveal Your Chaotic Dream Job Destiny
Welcome to the ‘Launch Your Future’ Career Day that’s being run by your school’s Most Enthusiastic Guidance Counselor™ and sponsored by a suspiciously glossy bank brochure. Click through this extremely low‑stakes life simulator — complete with janky PowerPoints, free biros, and delusional teen ambition — and we’ll tell you which unhinged 2000s dream job you were spiritually auditioning for the whole time.
J. Pax Orwell
editorial cartoonist
personality
It’s ‘Launch Your Future’ Career Day. The assembly starts with a Windows XP PowerPoint that almost crashes. What are you wearing to take your destiny extremely seriously?
personality
First stop: the suspiciously fancy FirstBank table, stacked with ‘Launch Your Future’ graduate trainee brochures. Why are you actually there?
personality
You’ve been herded into a ‘Launch Your Future’ breakout session. The PowerPoint has word art. Pick a tagline that weirdly speaks to your soul.
personality
The counselor passes out a ‘My Dream Career’ worksheet. You are instructed to circle your ‘Top Future Pathway.’ What do you end up circling in aggressively dull pencil?
personality
The FirstBank rep mentions a ‘2026 Graduate Trainee Programme’ with rotational placements. In your mind, what does your dream rotation year actually look like?
personality
It’s lunch break at Career Day. Where do you mysteriously disappear to instead of networking with the ‘young professionals’?
personality
The counselor insists you pick an ‘elective’ that will support your ‘Launch Your Future’ pathway. What do you sign up for?
personality
As part of the day, everyone must create a ‘Launch My Future’ vision poster. What ends up taking up the most real estate on yours?
personality
Your parent/guardian corners you after the event and asks, ‘So, how will you actually pay bills with this “future” of yours?’ You respond with:
personality
End of the day. The counselor asks everyone to share one word that captures their ‘launched’ future. You, staring at a lopsided FirstBank banner, say:
Around the Shallot
Stay in the same broken universe.
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