Welcome to the ‘Launch Your Future’ Career Day that’s being run by your school’s Most Enthusiastic Guidance Counselor™ and sponsored by a suspiciously glossy bank brochure. Click through this extremely low‑stakes life simulator — complete with janky PowerPoints, free biros, and delusional teen ambition — and we’ll tell you which unhinged 2000s dream job you were spiritually auditioning for the whole time.


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Around the Shallot
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.

Tech
Geopolitics pivots to Web3 as traders ask whether the U.S.–Iran framework comes with founder lockups and an exit strategy longer than a quarter
Jun 17

Forecast
Nvidia just proved the bond market will happily underwrite the AI data‑center arms race. The question now is not whether hyperscalers borrow big, but who is next in line to turn their balance sheet into an AI utility bill.
Jun 17
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Cartoon
Azerbaijan’s Central Bank discovers that if you tint the oil money green, it apparently photosynthesizes into ‘sustainable finance.’
Jun 17