Tear open that warped CD tower, dust off the glitter gel pens, and crack open your secret lyric binder — we’re about to scientifically determine which unhinged early‑2000s fandom you were low‑key president of. No, this won’t be on the SAT, but it SHOULD be.


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Around the Shallot
Forecasts, satire, cartoons, and quizzes should feel like one publication, not disconnected tabs.

Tech
Department of Government Efficiency reassures public that if the ceasefire can’t be fixed, it can at least be A/B tested, monetized, and pushed to the cloud.
Jul 13

Forecast
Iran says the Strait of Hormuz is shut until the U.S. leaves the neighborhood. Tanker traffic and mediators say something more boring: this is a price‑setting tantrum that ends in a technical deal, not a 90‑day blockade.
Jul 12
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