Which SaaS Product Are You, Actually?

If it’s not in a system, it doesn’t exist.

Why send one message when you can send twelve?

You have a pipeline for your pipelines.

Chaos, but make it pretty.

You were at that meeting… physically.

You have templates for your templates.

Communication as performance art.

If there’s no meeting, did it really happen?

Low fidelity, high drama.

You will not emerge for 3-5 business days.

There is always a deeper layer to you.

You contain multitudes… of notifications.

You’re important. Confusing, but important.

Controlled chaos, emphasis on ‘chaos’.

You’re the bridge between worlds and also their lag.

If it’s spoken, it should be written.

Backchannel or bust.

Calendar is your battleground.

Alignment is a lifestyle.

Existential crisis in 1080p.

Color palettes for feelings, databases for everything else.

If there’s drama, it lives in your DMs.

Your love language is ‘closed won’.

Everything is a prototype, including your life.

You span time zones and Wi-Fi qualities.

You are powerful but overwhelming.

Ping-first, think-later.

You require a certification to be understood.

You are collaboration’s Icarus.

You are tired. So tired.

First taste is on you. Then there’s a paywall.

No one knows what you cost, only that you do.

You seem innocent. You are not.

You are the Spotify of work tools.

You are a red flag in a pantsuit.

You remember everyone’s deadlines. They fear you. They love you.

You *are* the unofficial HR.

You own multiple blazers. Emotionally, at least.

You pretend it’s ‘for work’. It’s also your hobby.

You exist in 720p and occasional lag.

You look like a productivity YouTuber’s dream.

You are the social network of work.

You scream ‘enterprise-grade’ and ‘please don’t break’.

You *are* the design system.

What you lack in flair, you make up for in reliability.

Real, overused, and on someone’s slide deck right now.

Also real. Also confusing in practice.

Not real… yet. Give it a quarter.

Sadly, very real. Whole teams of it.

You scale horizontally… with more docs.

Signal-to-noise ratio? Never met her.

You respond to chaos with more structure (and acronyms).

If you can see 27 cursors, you’re doing it right.

You scale by adding calendar events.